Spam – how do you recognise it?

Sir John de Sully's arms from St George's Chapel, Windsor, where they stand at his stall for the Order of the Garter (photocopy courtesy of the Lancaster Herald, College of Arms)

Sir John de Sully’s arms from St George’s Chapel, Windsor, where they stand at his stall for the Order of the Garter (photocopy courtesy of the Lancaster Herald, College of Arms)

First, many thanks for all the comments yesterday about my losing a reader. I am very glad to say that the guy is not only very sensible, he’s a deeply honourable fellow as well. I exchanged a series of messages with him during the day yesterday, and he’s changed his mind. He hadn’t seen the comments about author incomes and how badly remunerated authors were. As a result (and because he really does like my books, thank God), he’s going to continue with them. Thanks to all my friends here who were so supportive, though. I really appreciate your comments and messages.

And while I was thinking about those messages I remembered a nice comment from last week. For some reason which I cannot fathom it got sent to my Spam folder. Anyway, I thought I should share the contents with you.

Nobody likes spam, do they? My blog gets about 40 spam messages a day. There are some inventive ones (“I know this is a little off-message, but…”), the whimsical (“While walking on the beach with my daughter …”) to the plain dishonest (“I love your blog. I keep getting spam, do you know of a good spam filter …”). Occasionally the spelling is atrocious, but that is apparently intentional. I’ve heard that spammers like to have awful spelling because they know that it’ll irritate the more intelligent, and thus they’ll filter out those they can’t fool and only morons will respond, giving them a better chance to commit ID theft or another form of fraud.

However, rarely do I get an honest one like this.

So: how can you tell when spam is spam?

Well, when the spammer has an entire library of potential spam messages, that is a help. And when the spammer has usefully brought in a complete, unmitigated cretin to run their messaging, you may get not one message, not two, but all the spammer’s carefully hoarded messages. With their cross-out lists.

I am assuming someone got fired for posting this one. Store up all the comments here, dear Reader, and you will know when you are being scammed in future.

Read this and weep. Yes, it is genuine. This is the one comment to beat all comments on WordPress!

 

{
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{Very well|Perfectly|Well|Exceptionally well}
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Thanks.|
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{Superb|Exceptional|Outstanding|Excellent} Blog!|
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{I am|I’m} {extremely|really} impressed with your writing skills {and also|as well as} with the layout on your {blog|weblog}.
Is this a paid theme or did you {customize|modify} it yourself?
{Either way|Anyway} keep up the {nice|excellent} quality writing,
{it’s|it is} rare to see a {nice|great} blog like this
one {these days|nowadays|today}.|
{I am|I’m} {extremely|really} {inspired|impressed}
{with your|together with your|along with your} writing {talents|skills|abilities} {and also|as {smartly|well|neatly} as} with the {layout|format|structure} {for your|on your|in your|to your} {blog|weblog}.
{Is this|Is that this} a paid {subject|topic|subject matter|theme} or did you
{customize|modify} it {yourself|your self}? {Either way|Anyway} {stay|keep} up the
{nice|excellent} {quality|high quality} writing, {it’s|it is} {rare|uncommon} {to peer|to see|to look} a {nice|great} {blog|weblog} like this
one {these days|nowadays|today}..|
{Hi|Hello}, Neat post. {There is|There’s} {a problem|an issue} {with
your|together with your|along with your} {site|web site|website} in {internet|web} explorer, {may|might|could|would} {check|test} this?
IE {still|nonetheless} is the {marketplace|market} {leader|chief} and
{a large|a good|a big|a huge} {part of|section of|component to|portion of|component of|element of} {other folks|folks|other people|people} will {leave out|omit|miss|pass over} your {great|wonderful|fantastic|magnificent|excellent} writing {due to|because of} this problem.|
{I’m|I am} not sure where {you are|you’re} getting your {info|information}, but {good|great} topic.
I needs to spend some time learning {more|much more} or understanding
more. Thanks for {great|wonderful|fantastic|magnificent|excellent} {information|info} I was looking for this {information|info} for
my mission.|
{Hi|Hello}, i think that i saw you visited my {blog|weblog|website|web site|site} {so|thus} i came to “return the favor”.{I am|I’m} {trying to|attempting to} find things to
{improve|enhance} my {website|site|web site}!I suppose its ok to use {some of|a few of}
your ideas!!\

 

Think you can recognise spam now?

I can too!

I'd like to introduce a few of these scammers/spammers to someone like Sir John de Sully or Baldwin de Furnshill!

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Comments
11 Responses to “Spam – how do you recognise it?”
  1. Jules says:

    Love it!! I get loads of these too ( although individually, never like that!!). And so glad you got your reader back.

    Like

  2. Good Grief. I’ve always wondered if spammers are as stupid as their victims and now I know: yes, they are!

    Glad your reader saw sense – well done for pursuing that. I still recall from my former career as an actor/performer, the disbelief on people’s faces when I told them that most of us would get paid £250 tops for a week’s run on a London stage. Most of the time in touring theatre, you get the Equity minimum which is a joke. People have no idea. Almost all actors I know do other work, too – teaching, voice coaching, workshops, educational stuff, stacking shelves. The highly publicised, glitzy few are all the pubic think of. Not the many more artists, musicians, actors and writers who work full time for part-time pay!

    Any way, in other news, I’m really enjoying ‘King’s Gold’ at the moment.

    Cheers!

    By the way, an occasional post about home brewing would be interesting, too!

    Like

  3. Jack Eason says:

    We all get them Michael, but I have never ever recieved one of such length and stupidity. All any of us can do is consign them to the internet equvalent of oblivion… ;)

    Like

  4. Jack Eason says:

    Reblogged this on Have We Had Help? and commented:
    Spam – the curse of the blogger!!!

    Like

  5. clivemullis says:

    Perhaps they were recruiting having seen your blog re: author income. Cheque I should imaging will be in the post!

    Like

  6. clivemullis says:

    Good that you got your reader back into the fold.

    Like

  7. James Lyons says:

    Oh, my! That’s like every spam message I’ve ever received. I’ve often wondered if English is a native language for spammers. Not sure if the answer is any clearer, but your comment about spammers filtering out the more intelligent makes sense. Can not know if for reason I am assignd to that group or not! lol ;)

    Like

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